"Don't worry, It's in my Fanny Pack. "

I have heard that and many other variations of the same sentence dozens of times since I have been working on gates a few times a week. It's a very simple job that just requires a set of eyes and the ability to stand for hours at a time. Personally, I really like the change of pace because you get to talk to all the guests who try and get in the pool and you get to people watch all day. At each gate you get to look for different things but all of them have one thing in common; silently judging people and their ridiculousness. This is a blog of a few of those things I have seen while at the gates.


The British are Coming! The British are Coming!
I have probably met more guests from the UK then any other nation while working. They not only come to the resort, but they stay for weeks at a time. Although they don't win for guests with the nicest teeth they sure win for guests who know how to have their room keys ready for when they get to the gate so I can check them fast and get them in the pool. It's all about efficiency here.

GTL?
Now as you know, I hail from the great state of NJ. Many people here are either proud to finally be friends with someone from Jersey or make endless jokes. I can easily tell if someone is from the NYC/Philly/Jersey area at the pool and have decided a few things.

1) Chest hair is a no go, regardless of how old you are. And back hair? Please. Find someone who loves you very much to tell you if you are now wearing a man sweater in August and work on it. There are methods of removing it and I suggest you look into them.
2) Gold chains with a side of chest hair? Well sure you need something to sit nicely upon the carpet of man hair.
3) Large gut with a beer in one hand while asking me where the gym is so you can work out. You are not fooling anyone, sir. You don't work out at home so why start now? Sure the gym is free and open 24 hours but looking at the equipment does not help anymore then just thinking about going.
4) Neon acrylic nails with bleach blonde 80s perm. 1986 called, they want their look back.
5) "Yo, Yo, bro, watch the hair." Don't worry, concierge is happy to get you anything you are willing to pay for, including extra hold water proof gel.

"Hmm, you're not really using your degree, are you?"
Well sir, thank you for your outstanding observation.  When a guest says that I say that I am using my Criminology degree by being security at the gates by checking room keys, putting wrist bands on, and handing out only 2 towels per guest and making sure they are not stolen. I have found that giving an answer like that normally stops them from talking anymore because they either feel bad for me or just keep walking. Hellz no I am not using my degree but am I miserable at my first out of college job? I think not.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages I urge you to stop and look at a mirror before you leave your room or dressing room for that matter. If you are buying a bathing suit, please make sure it fits and covers all parts that should be covered so when you walk out of the pool  it's not like like you are auditioning for the remake of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Forget no white after Labor Day, there should be a rule for no bikinis after a certain stage in life. I should not feel like I am working at the Mens Den on the corner of sleezy and trashy.  Men, you should also make sure your swim trunks (add that to the list of words I don't like) don't fall off when you get out of the pool. If you want to show off your bodacious bod then I am all for that, but they invented the drawstring for a reason. Don't get me started on tattoos. Can't wait until you're old and wrinkled and in a nursing home playing dominoes and you curse the day you decided to get tattoos all over your body.

There are no dumb questions, just dumb people.
Yes, our pool has sand. No, the water is not salt water. No, there are not hidden Mickeys in the grains of sand, no the sand is not man made, yes, the water is warm, yes it is hot outside, yes the lifeguards are trained, yes, the three o'clock parade is at 3pm. You name it, I've been asked it.

And that my friends is a glimpse of how it is to work the gates. It's not a glamorous life, but it's my life.